Bed Warmers Union by John Patrick Robbins

When speaking about me in rumors, often I hear many misguided allegations.

Especially when referring to me as some whiskey guzzling male whore.

When in truth I am just part of the lonely ladies and wayward souls bed warmers union.

Which our company's goal is to make sure every woman goes to bed comfy and preferably wakes up with a smile.

Yes, I'm not on the prowl, simply on the job.
But I see how the ignorant or sober could easily make this assumption.

As I am but almost in a perverse way doing the work of The Lord.
I mean his name is often mentioned during our sessions.

No it's not therapy.
For I view myself as a masseuse.
With more a focus on deep tissue lights off massage, with an ever so happy ending.

I have no office but you can find me at the local bar.
I work on a volunteer basis so no money, no worries my dear.

You provide the vessel as I shall so provide the tip.
I am but a humble servant looking for a home for the night.

Providing service with a smile.
I am truly all heart aside from the rest of me that is.

Toddles sweetheart.

John Patrick Robbins is the editor of the God's.

He enjoys raiding literary kingdoms including his own.

And also drinking from the bedazzled skulls of his sworn enemies.

He runs a fleet of ships better known as ezines which his boy servant Scott Simmons crafts to perfection because to quote him directly.

 he hates these people and enjoys keeping his mighty warlord happy.

When not editing for Odin he runs a Viking retreat for heathens which borders a Christian summer camp which we enjoy raiding greatly.

 

He has been published in many esteemed publications and nominated himself for 5000 pushcarts 1000 Grammys 500 Academy Awards and a partridge and a pear tree.

He is currently building his museum dedicated to himself as he will soon be leaving to fight in the Ragnarok.

He likes boobies and long walks on the bloodsoaked battlefield.

He is also the writer in residence at Dollywood.

And if you read all this and were offended.

Wow! Congrats you're a dumbass.

 Please collect your gold star and cookie from the Dope Fiend Daily.

Check to see when they are open being they never run daily.

Duh it's not like Scott has a life or anything.

Skál.